#ValentinesDay is only a week away. Loneliness, desperation, and feelings of worthlessness are not uncommon at this time of year. 

Some of those feelings can cause deep darkness and even depression for many. So, what is the answer? Is it finding someone? Is it having a fancy date? In short: no. 

The true path, in my opinion, to overcoming the crushing weight we feel being single on Valentine’s Day is not finding someone to love, but learning to love the person we are. 

For a long while, I have been writing this blog from the idea of reaching others with deep and intellectual topics. The entire purpose of a blog, however, is to share our personal trials and tribulations, helping us collectively learn and grow. I’m going to get personal. 

It has never been easy for me to love. It is always been quick, and something I give without as much consideration as it often requires. I have been married twice and divorced twice. So why do I still believe in love? Why do I still believe in a lifetime partnership? The truth is, I do not see the relationships of my past as failures. At least not any longer. 

One of the first things we have to do is own up to our faults, and see what we need to do to become the person we love. Our potential, our best, our own hero. The cold hard truth is that if we do not love the person we are, and we do not value what we bring to a relationship, we will not find someone who values us. 

Think about every one of your past relationships. The best relationships always come when we feel happy all on our own! The more desperate we are for a relationship, the less likely we are to find one. That leads us to feeling like more of a failure, making it harder to find a relationship that matters and that enhances the person we are. As you can plainly see, this is a heavy snowball of self-doubt that causes us to spiral downwards.

What are the suggestions I can give that have helped me in my own experiences?

My top tips for finding your groove before finding a partnership you deserve. 

1. The most important aspect is to be able to recognize that happiness does not come from someone else or something else (money, fame, things, etc.). It is only something we can find WITHIN! 
2. If we are not happy, and feel incomplete alone, the people we will attract are not those we are looking for. It may be great for a short term, but that often leaves us feeling even more empty and worth less than before.
3. Once you realize that you can be happy with the life you are currently living, in the very moment you are existing, desperation feeds, and we start becoming something others are attracted too. 
4. Never feel like you have to be someone other than yourself. You do not have to have the best degree or the best job, or even live in the best home to be valuable to someone else. People who like you for things and money are not people that are looking for something real and forever. It does not mean that relations cannot start off the wrong way and lead to something wonderful. This blog is just about being single and being real about what it is like and how to attract someone we want for a real partnership. 
5. Never settle for anything less than what makes you happy.
6. Look inwards before you start dating, and look for what really matters to you when you are 80 or 90 years old. Do outward appearances matter more to you, depth of character, desire to continue learning and living? If we do not know what makes us happy, how are we supposed to find it?
7. Once you understand exactly what you desire, understand how valuable you are, and are happy with your life exactly as it is. It’s time to manifest the person you deserve, if that’s even still what you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. 
8. Begin becoming the person you want to be. If you feel successful and you love the person you are, there’s no way left to fail, which means there’s nothing left to lose. Security, confidence, and feeling successful will instantly make you more attractive as well as bringing you inner peace. 
9. Being grateful for the things you do have can make the difference between feeling broken and lost, and the realization that each breath we take is a lucky moment that should never be wasted. 
10. Lastly, never stop reaching for a better you. The universe is ever expanding, and so does our ability to learn, love more, become wiser, stronger, kinder, and more peaceful. 

My top 10 tips really come down to a very simplistic idea: we cannot walk in the light without stepping out of the shadows. If we cannot love the person we are, if we cannot find happiness with exactly where we are and what we are doing, how can we truly expect someone else to love that person? 

Loving someone is easy. Being a true partner, someone willing to sacrifice and fight through good times and bad, all the while supporting, listening, hearing, and working to become better is challenging. However, the hard work is always worth it. Especially with the most important part, realizing that we have value.

It does not matter what we look like, what our passions are, how much money we have, or how many times we have tried. We are special exactly as we are, and we deserve someone that sees who we are, who we are trying to become, and only wants the best for us.

The moment you find all of the joy on your own, the relationship you dream of will find you, and that I can guarantee. 

I wish everyone a beautiful week, and a very happy Valentine’s Day!

Warmly,

~Kirk Patrick Miller ✨

@Chaos2Cured

Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is a professional speaker, mental health advocate, and radio personality. His book “Chaos to Cured” and his contact information can be found at www.chaos2cured.com. 

———————— Disclaimer ———————

Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is not licensed to practice medicine. His opinions are not meant or intended as mental health advice or guidance of any kind. Should you need help, please reach out to a mental health professional. If it’s an emergency, please call 911. (Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255)

~Kirk Patrick Miller

☀️?☀️