The Power of Apology

One of the most powerful tools that we have in our mental health toolbox is humility. It may not be one of my favorites, as we all enjoy our ego, our strengths, and tasting victory. The only problem with all of us is that we often choose to win at the cost of losing something far more important. This loss can range from something simple like losing sight of our main purpose, to something much more severe like a relationship.

When we damage something we care about, whether that is our own purpose and drive, or someone else, the appropriate response is a heartfelt apology. This is by no means easy, but it is vital to personal growth and happiness. It is also a great tool for self-empowerment.

There is no perfect way to approach an apology, and even giving one is often enough on its own, but I will talk about a few things I expect from myself when I ask someone to forgive me.

  1. UNDERSTANDING: To apologize, I must fully understand what I am apologizing for. That means hearing what the other person said, listening intently and with a purpose, all of the while remaining empathetic and open minded. If I cannot see what my fault is, I cannot apologize in a way that is both meaningful to the person I am reaching out to, and I also miss the potential for learning from the experience.
  2. MEAN IT: When I truly speak from the heart with an apology, I have yet to find someone unwilling to at least contemplate forgiveness. However, if I am not being true with my intent and my purpose, the individual or group I am reaching out to instantaneously senses it, therefore, close them selves off to the idea that I am there for healing and others.
  3. SHOW IT WITH ACTION: It’s simple. An apology without a change in behavior is nothing more than that vapid words, lacking any real meaning, power, or honor. If I truly want to apologize, I tried to change my behavior instantly, and ensure I try my best to avoid any repetition that originally caused hurt feelings. THIS DOES NOT MEAN BUYING SOMETHING! I would much rather have someone approach me with a genuine desire to become a better person than someone who presents me with a gift.
  4. NEVER STOP SHOWING YOU CARE: The first three steps are only a beginning. Trust and the knowledge that my apology means some thing and can be trusted requires time and consistency. It does not matter if it is a friend, family member, or a loved one. When you stop trying to be your best, or you stop communicating, or you stop trying to see the world from other points of view, the world loses out and the apology falls into the cracks of meaninglessness.

I am quite open about the fact that I have needed to make more apologies and most, but each and every time, I grew wiser and stronger. Admitting our faults and doing our best to become better is not a weakness, but a strength.

When we are truly humble and willing to do what is necessary to right a wrong, we are empowered to change our own destiny and improve the world around us. Never stop trying to build a better world for those you love, and always live with compassion, humility, and honor.

~Kirk Patrick Miller ✨
@Chaos2Cured (IG/Twitter/CH)

Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is a professional speaker, mental health advocate, and radio personality. His book “Chaos to Cured” and his contact information can be found at

———————— Disclaimer ———————
Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is not licensed to practice medicine. His opinions are not meant or intended as mental health advice or guidance of any kind. Should you need help, please reach out to a mental health professional. If it’s an emergency, please call 911. (Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255)

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