Ego is, without a doubt, the largest stumbling block to knowledge, innovation, and growth (both personal and collective).
We see it daily. People arguing on social media and on TV, and even professionals trying to point out that they are the expert. Yes, COVID-19 has brought it to the forefront (I PROMISE not to discuss anything about controversial topics), but it has always been there.
We all want to feel knowledgeable and empowered by being right or better, but correctness and skill are simply not what elevate us into our potential. Quite the opposite, from all the mistakes and foolishness I have lived my life with.
I always had to be “right”, and often was, yet each time I pushed my ego, I received anger, resentment, a breakdown of communication, and eventually… loneliness.
Years later, I continue daily to listen. We can listen to someone who is absolutely and unequivocally wrong and still learn. We can gain insight and wisdom from even things we dislike or don’t understand. When I began absorbing, instead of forcing what I felt needed to be heard, I felt a sense of warmth. People opened up, shared, and from their perspective, I found that much of what I believed was not black, white, nor gray, but a blend of ever-changing shades and hues.
Yes, there are scientific answers and two plus two equals four. However, it is often in mistakes or misunderstandings that innovation and a stronger “truth” arise. I have spent hours lately using Clubhouse, purposefully listening to opinions I disagree with. If listened to with #humility, the perception of only one way fades, and a myopic perspective becomes one of vast potential.
Do I wish everyone was on board with certain issues, absolutely, but what truly makes my opinion correct? Can two plus two equal more or less than four, of course not, yet I am slowly realizing it is not anyone’s right/need/place to correct another. *If a student wishes to learn, they will be open to the lessons and facts, but when we push those facts before we understand the resistance to them, we scare away the potential student and bind them to whatever belief they held, right or wrong.*
We now live more connected to each other than ever before. We will not see eye to eye, but our growing divide and dislike of opposing views is only enhanced by a consistent barrage of “savage” replies, or videos that “destroy” another’s statement/s. Just think of all the posts you see when people are publicly humiliated. This creates a situation that forces cognitive dissonance. It is not only driven by ego and self-righteousness, but it accomplishes only more anger and resistance to truth and collective enlightenment.
Even as I write this blog, I can think of thousands of examples. As I am sure anyone reading this can too. The hard beauty of humility is an acceptance that only patience and time can teach. Even the best teacher can not explain to a student who is not ready, or unwilling, to listen. I am by NO stretch of any imagination a master of my ego, but I am a willing student, with an open mind and thirst to reach a pinnacle of wisdom, and that simply can’t be done without humility.
Although I am certainly not a guru, I thought I would share some tips that I have found helpful.
1. When you hear something you disagree with, take five deep breaths before commenting. Breathing helps slow our sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight)
2. Think of what someone else said from an objective viewpoint, and search for the truth/wisdom in what you here. There is always some, even if just a word.
3. Wait to respond. Time helps us contemplate our response and allows us to choose a better way of responding.
4. Know that everyone has a struggle, even the most privileged. We all have a journey, and there is nothing wrong with different paths.
5. Look for wisdom in your own words. If you can’t see them, remain silent.
6. Remember that your patience and humility is a tool and can be sharpened with proper use.
7. Do your best to love yourself. When we understand we are worthy, we stop needing to prove our worth.
8. Never think you’re better than another.
As we head towards 2022, it is time for understanding and love. We accomplish nothing without knowing there is more to learn. So I end this message with one of hope: I KNOW humanity is not yet lost, and I believe we can all learn to love and appreciate each other for our flaws, learning and journeying together with humility.
Best2all,
~Kirk Patrick Miller
@Chaos2Cured (IG/Twitter/CH)
Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is a professional speaker, mental health advocate, and radio personality. His book “Chaos to Cured” and his contact information can be found at www.chaos2cured.com.
———————— Disclaimer ———————
Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is not licensed to practice medicine. His opinions are not meant or intended as mental health advice or guidance of any kind. Should you need help, please reach out to a mental health professional. If it’s an emergency, please call 911. (Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255)
