I recently went through something I had never expected: a wildfire, evacuation, and ashes left behind. Needless to say, there was no internet and my cellular service slowed to a crawl due to damage to cellular towers and everyone using it at the same time.

Answering emails, checking social media, or even utilizing luxuries like Netflix were simply not something available or logistical. Those familiar with me know I have OCD, and Generalized Anxiety, so change, in and of itself, can be quite terrifying, yet this was different. I was going through what felt like withdrawal.

We are so used to getting everything we want instantly, the moment things slow down even slightly, panic sets in. This is not just about me. I see it in my nieces, who have never grown up having to sit through commercials, nor having to wait to find out where someone is.

Technology is neither inherently good, nor evil. However, we need to be aware of how our minds and patterns not only make us reliant upon technology, but also weakened by utilizing it incorrectly. I will diverge onto a slight tangent before circling back to the main topic of being disconnected and the utter despair I felt from it.

Tangent: Is technology bad, good, or to blame…

Truthfully, technological leaps forward typically create positive outcomes that outweigh the risks. The problem isn’t about the tech itself, but the intent behind those pushing their platform. Take Facebook (Meta) for example. It started off as a great application to share photos with friends and family. As they grew, their intentions stopped being about the wellbeing of their users. This is indisputable, especially given the explosive testimony about their business practices given before United States Congress. The testimony in Congress was shockingly, please sense the sarcasm, silenced by a complete Facebook and Instagram outage (On the same day as the testimony.) Days later, Facebook renamed their company.

Is it Facebook’s fault for desiring profit? No. Is it their programmers’ fault for understanding and manipulating users to get added revenue? Not really. The hard truth is that social media companies, and even plain wireless companies, have discovered our newly empowered weakness: Lack of patience. (I will do a blog on this soon.)

Instead of wanting to fully read an article, Taglines, as they’re called, are glanced at with haste and minds are made up. Pictures that are altered are seen as real with the vast majority not even caring to check. News cycles that should have been debunked with a simple read explode into every conversation, and misinformation becomes profit. It isn’t technology’s fault that we no longer have the ability to take a deep breath, evaluate, and then, after analyzing the positives and negatives, make a proper and informed decision. It is a fundamental shift in our way of thinking, and it needs to change. We shouldn’t be blaming institutions for our addictions and inability to take a few extra minutes, but should instead ask ourselves are we acting out because we can’t wait, or because our act has the common good and objective reality necessary to be of value to society in general.

Although that was a lengthy tangent, it offers us the ability to digest some tough questions and return to our incessant need to have everything at our fingertips. Part of why our biggest problem is our infatuation with instantaneous gratification. I am not a Freudian, but his “Pleasure Principle” is fascinating to read about. Supposedly dominant in our childhood and fading as we reach adulthood, I would argue that technology has created a lengthened time between our need and desire for gratification, versus our ability to logically think through and delay our gratification. Look at how we purchase things. Can’t afford it, pay monthly. Don’t have the cash, use a credit card. These things may seem small, but they prey on everyone.

When I was overwhelmed by discomfort from being unable to do as I’m used to, I sat and thought quite a bit about my own obsessive need to be “connected”. The strangest part was realizing that my definition of what connection means had changed. Instead of talking with the family members sitting right in front of me, I was looking at my phone, frustrated at how slow it was and how I was possibly going to survive without internet. It dawned on me that not only was my disconnect something necessary, but healthy.

We are so used to communicating with strangers online, our dinners have come to scrolling through texts as someone else talks, thumbing through Instagram posts about desert or food instead of looking up a recipe and making it. The sad truth was that I, like many, am absolutely hooked to the web. What was once a tool, had become an obsession. Even with good habits of trying to stay off and minimize my online engagement, I had, without knowing it, given up my free will. I may as well have been plugged into the Matrix, because I wasn’t living life, I was reading about it.

This is a true issue that just isn’t talked about enough. We are at a tipping point, and COVID-19 has shown just how mentally fragile we are. Good mental health isn’t only about being connected with those that can understand our struggles. It is about finding a balance between a virtual life and actually living. Something I had forgotten for too long, and perhaps wouldn’t have even noticed had my habits not been forced to change.

Our idea of what connects us truly connects our heart, mind, and soul to another human needs to be reevaluated, and proper and objective thought needs to go into creating a world where our digital lives don’t become our only ones. The fact that entire careers can be made online, never even needing to step outside should scare us, not tantalize us. Our inability to live without our digital lives is not going to diminish but will face even tougher delineation as we move forward into internet 3.0 and beyond. The key question I will always ask myself now is: am I living my life, or is my life being lived for me.

I’m not saying to put your phone away and delete social media, nor to cancel your internet. I’m just calmly asking if our relationship with technology is healthy, and if not, how can we move forward with intelligent steps that bring out the best of our hearts and minds.

Have a beautiful day and I look forward to a blog about patience. Something I have lacked since I was born and need to improve.

If you enjoy these blogs, please share them and feel free to suggest blogs or politely disagree with me. I’m found on all social media @Chaos2Cured.

~Kirk Patrick Miller 

@Chaos2Cured (IG/Twitter/CH)

Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is a professional speaker, mental health advocate, and radio personality. His book “Chaos to Cured” and his contact information can be found at www.chaos2cured.com.

———————— Disclaimer ———————

Mr. Kirk Patrick Miller is not licensed to practice medicine. His opinions are not meant or intended as mental health advice or guidance of any kind. Should you need help, please reach out to a mental health professional. If it’s an emergency, please call 911. (Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255)